Looking for signs of life...

I've been meaning to write something here, and i mean really write, instead of just blogging a picture or a video. yet for whatever reason i can't even focus on a single thought long enough to remember to blog about it. that and maybe, i just don't know what it is i'm feeling these days. life was much simpler back then it seems, back when i only had to worry about getting my degree, not everything after that. i only had to worry about me. and i made decisions to better my life back then, that i'm only now feeling or paying the consequences of them. some days i feel weighed down by life, the constant and fruitless 8-5, neverending struggles for financial security, and i feel that my dreams and passions are drifting farther from my reach.. i am left feeling stale, mundane, stuck, claustrophobic, like my life is caving in on itself and i'm losing me. (does anyone ever know that they are losing themselves until its already happened?) or is it maybe that i really have just turned into something stale and mundane? it sounds strange, but i'm bored with myself.

i'm pretty sure i lost my blogger charm a few years back. i used to write and be very content with my posts, and accumulated some pretty devout followers, but it seems like my audience has grown weary of waiting for my revival. shit, i'm growing weary of my revival.

long ago, back at USC, i came up with "Disciples Lounge", my name for a "place' where all creatives could gather and exchange information and ideas and network and collectively build each other up. it was a rough draft of a beautiful plan, with no limitations in possibility. it could be a website, a clothing line, a cafe, a studio, a club that met every month. my grand idea for the world, and the very concept that, though it never came to fruition, was what guided and inspired me to meeting all walks of people from streetwear to streetart to musicians, cinematographers, dancers, photographers, designers, etc, etc.

i lost that self-discovering movement long ago, in the midst of being tossed into real world hardships and harsh truths. but with some motivation lately, i've been giving the idea a lot of thought and i swear, i want to make it happen. i will make it happen. i will start small and grow organically, concept, content, and purpose is everything. i see people make things happen for themselves every day, in my peers, both near and far. i will not be the exception. i refuse to be the exception.


i'm a creator. i'm a creator. i'm a creator. i'm a creator. i'm a creator.... floating on ideas, shaping thoughts and dreams,not far from now, i will hit the ground running.


damn. is it 5 yet...