Sweeter than ya average.

new face, new place. but still the same ol' me.

2009-12-10T12:03:00.000-08:00

started a tumblr, check it out: notanotherpaperjam.tumblr.com

the name is inspired by the motive i have for this blog: inspiration, influence, motivation.

it's probably also the beginning of a digital zine i want to start in 2010. who knows. stay tuned. here and there. because blogger will always be my chicken soup (since 2001), but now i have a soda on the side.

Natalie Portman for V Magazine

2009-11-20T10:54:00.000-08:00

She is just superior.

via// justjared

Life-size.

2009-11-17T13:20:00.001-08:00

jonna pohjalainen

via// youmightfindyourself

...

2009-11-04T16:51:00.000-08:00

"Does she know you love her?" "Of course." I paused. The obstacle seemed unreal to me. "If you love her," I said, "you'll love somebody else someday." - Plath

Practice makes perfect... 10,000 hours of practice to be exact.

2009-09-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

If you want to get better at something–say writing or playing tennis–there are a ton of ways to build your skills:

You can take a class. Wake up every morning at 6am and meditate. Read books. Interview experts. Get an entry-level job in the field. Be a genius.

Yet, no matter what asymptotic magic tricks you stumble upon, there’s no substitute for good, old-fashioned practice makes perfect. True experts–the real-deal human beings who shake things up in the world–are not simply shrewd managers of super-advanced strategies for success. And though it certainly helps, they aren’t always gifted with lucky breaks early on, either. And they’re rarely geniuses. More than anything else, experts are hard-working people who practice a lot.

I love this bit from Malcom Gladwell’s Outliers. (Get the book, by the way. You’ll read it in two days.):

The idea that excellence at performing a complex task requires a critical minimal level of practice surfaces again and again in studies of expertise. In fact, researchers have settled on what they believe is the magic number for true expertise: ten thousand hours.

The emerging picture from such studies is that ten thousand hours of practice is required to achieve the level of mastery associated with being a world-class expert–in anything,” writes the neurologist Daniel Levitin.

“In study after study, of composers, basketball players, fiction writers, ice skaters, concert pianists, chess players, master criminals, and what have you, this number comes up again and again…No one has yet found a case in which true world-class expertise was accomplished in less time. It seems that it takes the brain this long to assimilate all that it needs to know to achieve true mastery…...This is true even of people we think of as prodigies."

I frequently hear folks talk about people they view as successful with a sense of awe and disbelief. They say things like, “X is just…a genius” Or “I don’t understand how they do it…it’s just, like, effortless.” This language signals a sad, weird projection of our deepest and worst fears: that success only comes to the naturally gifted, lucky few. We then convince ourselves to tap out.

There is a kernel, but only a kernel, of truth in this fear: Gifted folks have an easier time, and therefore experience more rewards, to begin with. In instances where early, more frequent rewards motivate people to practice, the cycle of greatness is self-perpetuating. But the idea that the majority of experts even fit into the “gifted and talented” category is preposterous and damaging. I call shenanigans.

If you really want to go there, it’s possible for anyone to achieve get-famous mastery in 5 years, assuming you work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Or, if you’re like me and prefer a more moderate rendering of the lesson: Set up conditions so that you can practice often, and you’ll get where you want to be–no matter how late in the game you join.

//via Tiffany Jones (Second & Park)

Self Therapy (All roads lead back to you)

2009-09-17T13:31:00.000-07:00

i started blogging at the end of my freshman year at USC, which was in 2000. i recorded my life on and off for about six years, took a break for about two, and then have since tried to get back on it. in the present day and time, i feel that i really should write more, consistently, and write more about me. its the best outlet, and i feel blessed that i had a want and need to blog way back at the start of it all because really, memory doesn't always serve you well when you need it to.

like how sometimes you forget who you are, where you came from, and most importantly what you're made of. i've found that life will inevitably be harsh and beating like that. not always, but at times. and the strength of your self-character can often be forgotten after just a few defeats. then you read something you wrote a while ago, and its the most God-honest reminder you can have that everything is in fact going to be okay. because back then you were going through it, like, really going through it, and in the here and now you can't even remember what "it" was.

here's an entry i wrote when i was 19. young and foolish and wise and troubled and strong and beautiful and free. i was all those things. i am all those things. i should know by now that even if i feel defeated at times, i do triumph. and note to self: try to remember that in the end, you always triumph.

"cuts for luck and scars for freedom"

at work my nail broke and i cut my hand in some mysterious way that i have yet to figure out. and like my hands now, micro-scarred with odd lines and shapes of dark spots, i myself am feeling a bit unpretty. what is it that's happening around me that i'm not seeing because i'm always tucked away at work? I JUST DON'T GET IT.

but you know what i haven't been realizing lately? that the worst pain, suffering, and sadness in the world brings about the most wisdom and priceless experience ever. and if you can survive those midnight hours where you're laying in bed looking out the window and analyzing things a million times too many, and still manage to get yourself out of bed each day and LIVE, then fuckin' a, you're gaining more wisdom by the second. this is what i forget to remember, that i've been engulfed in sadness before, and yet beyond that i've had some brilliant days. ride the wave, flow with the go... and you know that when you're caught out in deep water, the journey back to shore is a long, exhausting period in which at times you just would rather float in the water forever but the salty spray of the ocean keeps stinging your face, so you keep going and going and when you finally reach the shore it's all been just a bad dream. and reality is a good dream come true. well i'm just thinking random illogical thoughts that flow from my brain to my fingers in irratic waves.

a nice quote: "Justice? Justice is a delusion you wil not find on this or any other sphere. And wisdom? Wisdom is no part of dreams. Though dreams are a part of the sum of each life's experiences, it is the only wisdom that matters. But revelation? That is the province of dream."

"Subject: Being Twenty Something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.

What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job...and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused.

Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself.....and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Send this to your twenty-something friends...maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion. You are not alone."

well? what are you waiting for? go send it! wait...you mean, you don't feel that way? wait, you mean, the sun is always shining on your side of the world? aren't you l-u-c-k-y.

well, i don't need luck, remember?
cuts for luck and scars for freedom.

(...who knew?)

Because you have to let go sooner or later.

2009-08-10T11:29:00.000-07:00

"Truthfulness always brings salvation even if it causes one‘s death, for man tastes death through truthfulness only once, whereas in each and every lie is a different kind of death. "

(I quote this to bring light to not only the importance of truthfulness to those you love, but also truthfulness to yourselves.)

Today I feel like I've woken up from some kind of walking coma, only to see that everything I saw before never truly existed. Never was real. Or maybe it once existed but for a brief and fleeting moment. You have to be careful with those brief and fleeting moments. You can build your whole life around them, pretending that they are forever, or were meant to be forever, but in fact are so temporal.

Truth. The truth is that the truth lasts forever. You can hide it from everyone but you can't hide it from yourself, and so it lives forever in you. In your conscience, in your life's history. The truth of the kind of person you are, the values you believe in, whom you really love, if you even know what love is, truth about the ones that love you back, of your actions and decisions that no one may ever know about, the lies you tell and the regrets you have, the people you have deceived and hurt, those whom have deceived and hurt you. All those innermost secrets that we rarely share or even want to acknowledge in ourselves and others, they exist and live in the truth. Truth always survives, and sometimes you want to push it down and keep it down where no one can see, where even you can't see, so you forget its there, so you can create your own "truth", but it always rises to the surface, persistent and unfazed, floating in the ether of your mind.

The truth can be your prisoner, or it can set you free. How do you choose to live....... how will I choose to live?

To get you through the hard times, to help you sift through it all.

2009-07-29T22:44:00.000-07:00

"You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end."
"The biggest mistake of my life is that I said yes, when I had to say no."
"Love can only be what you want it to be."
"Wherever there is a grain of loyalty there is a glimpse of freedom." - Algernon Charles Swinburne
"Lack of loyalty is one of the major causes of failure in every walk of life" - Napoleon Hill
"When rebuilding trust, don't ever break a promise that you've made. If you do, it shows that even on your best behavior, you cannot be trusted."

Will sleep on this.

Ink Calendar, Girls, and nonsense.

2009-07-17T10:54:00.000-07:00

Beautiful design, concept, idea.
Not only is it soaking up the ink from the bottle calculated to fill one number in the month per day, but the ink itself is based on some sort of temperature spectrum, so the colors change with its perception of the weather. Darkest blue in December, Light green hues in Spring/Summer. I can only imagine how beautiful this would look. Definite eye candy... why yes, I would like this on my wall.

Its not for sale, but its on exhibit at Círculo de Bellas Artes in Madrid, Spain.
As one gizmodo reader asked, "How good is the security at this Círculo de Bellas Artes?"

Click here for the article, and a much better breakdown of the technicalities.

//via Gizmodo

'100 Girls on Polaroid' by Alexander Gnädinger

Looks like a great collectors book for anyone who is fan of polaroids or just even the feminine mystique aesthetic. Gnädinger, who is famous mostly for his commercial high fashion photography, took on this two-year project to photograph (using only a polaroid camera) women from all over the country, choosing models on the basis of their natural beauty and own unique personality as opposed to their transformability through makeup and fashion. I feel like the result is a fantastic visual commentary on the industry that he works in everyday. And for us, it leaves us with 100 photographs with amazing composition and lighting - it definitely leaves me wondering why my polaroids never look that good.

Obviously inspired from Tina Berning's 100 Girls on Cheap Paper from a while ago, and I think its awesome that he even credits her on his website. Click here for Alexander's view on the polaroid medium and its real-time appeal versus the heavily retouched visual language that saturates today's society.

//via LesMads

Oh. and tonight i'm going to see harry potter. who wants to come with?

Dwele pays tribute to MJ

2009-06-29T11:30:00.000-07:00

There have been a lot of MJ tribute songs/dances/vids that have shown up, but this one made by Dwele takes the cake so far. Well, that or the Roots x Erykah Badu MJ tribute on the Jimmy Fallon show. Dwele takes MJ's song "Human Nature" and recomposes it by himself, instrument by instrument, until the finishing instrument is Dwele's own voice humming that famous melody. It's pretty amazing, watch and listen:

Oh, and if you're sick of hearing about MJ on my blog, go fuck yourself. He's gonna stay being the subject of my posts for however long i'm mourning...

here's another photo of MJ that you've probably never seen before. this is from his earlier (and better-looking) years:

Kanye x Louis Vuitton kicks...

2009-06-28T23:22:00.000-07:00

Skeptical about the Marty McFly lookin' hi-top jawns, but i'm really feeling this particular colorway of the boating shoes he designed. Well done Yeezy, because i have to admit, these are the crispiest shoes i've seen from you yet. Question - do they come in women sizes? Doubtful.

It must be the hot pink.

This is how i remember him...

2009-06-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

i want to love you
(PYT)
pretty young thang
you need some lovin'
(TLC)
tender love and care
and i'll take you there...

and how i'm remembering him:

THE GREATEST ENTERTAINER OF ALL TIME.

Oh my God

2009-06-25T16:27:00.001-07:00

1958-2009

My heart broke as the world lost the greatest entertainer of all time today... i'm so saddened by this news, it all happened so fast. May you rest in heaven, MJ, you have always been the king of music.

Thank you for sharing all your beauty and talents with the world, your music made me feel so good, made me happy.

Truly in shock.

I wish this was a happier post.

2009-06-18T14:27:00.000-07:00

The past weekend that we went to San Diego for Body Rock was amazing bittersweet relaxing accomplished memorable, but it is overshadowed now with more recent happenings. It took me a long time to decide whether I should share this with anyone, but I had to because I need the emotional release. So here goes.

I found out Tuesday afternoon that my boyfriend of almost three years had been cheating on me. For the past two months up until about two weeks before Body Rock. He met her when he was touring in Canada, but didn't start fooling around with her until he had gone back to Toronto at the end of April/beginning of May to teach. He hung out with her everyday, and that was the time they first kissed. From there, he was texting/calling/messaging her nonstop until just about two weeks ago, hitting her up almost every morning with texts, probably the moment I would leave my house for work. He went back at the end of May and spent the night at her house, but didn't sleep with her. It ended that weekend, and he stopped talking to her completely just about a week or two before I found out, as both of them decided they could not cross the line anymore, but nonetheless, I just found out. And I spoke to the other girl, and she was completely honest with me and let me know the details of their "fling". She told me everything that he could not tell me. I have forgiven her for disrespecting another woman's relationship because of it. I don't know her and I could say lots of mean things about her like how I honestly think that if he was going to cheat on me at least upgrade one time because she is not that pretty and not that great of a dancer, but whatever, pretend I didn't say that, and that I'm not thinking that. Because more importantly, she's not the one at fault. She is nothing to me, never was, never will be. I did not know her before this, and will not know her after. She will forever be connected to him (he will never forget), but to me, she is just another name, another body, another face I won't remember in time.

What to do, what to do. For most of you reading my blog, you may be in shock. You know him, you know us, you know how long we've been together, how inseparable we are, G x G, etc. I'm also putting this out here just because a lot of you knew him before I did, so you know not just the bad, but you can vouch for the good in him too. I guess I could have let a few people know personally, and let the news travel through the grapevine behind my back, with people too scared to ask me about it for fear of how I might be hurting, but I thought i'd just throw it out there for whomever reads this, so that in a way, I'm letting you guys know without the pain of really letting you know personally. Yes, I want people to know. I don't want to hide behind any falsehood, I don't want him to go without feeling shame, either.

I am hurting. The day I found out I went ballistic. And after that, I went numb. And only now am I feeling anything at all, although I mentally, emotionally, physically just do not feel the same. Do not feel like... well, me. It hurts to know someone who is my soulmate, my "meant to be", my constant, my best friend, could betray me. He is/was my equal. My inspiration, my support, the warmth. But how then, could he look me in the eye every day and tell me "I love you and only you", and lay in my bed every night for two months without ever confessing the secret he held. It hurts to look back on those couple of months, to think about every activity we have done, gone to the park, a concert, the movies, dinner, even competitions and trips, or even just the nights where we spent to ourselves, and think that those months, those days, those happy moments did not truly exist at all. They were not real, they were not anything but a facade. It hurts to know that all of this was happening and I was the fool. You don't expect that the person you've shared your life with so long would do this to you. But it happens, doesn't it?

It happens when people are unhappy in the relationship. And we were unhappy. We were arguing constantly, having communication issues, not understanding each other, reaching the breaking point every time we got into it. Its not completely a surprise to hear that someone who has been in a relationship for a few years craves something new, exciting, different. Or to want to feel appreciated, or understood, or needed. We both felt those emotions at times. Many times myself I wondered if this was it. If he was it for me. If there was nothing else out there that I was meant to experience or to share a life with? People always wonder this in their relationships, its just the God honest truth. We thrive on the attention and the love showered upon us by other human beings, regardless of what shape or form it takes. Human interaction is so vital to our happiness. So. We had been unhappy for a while. I can't say that I didn't entertain the thought of breaking up and calling it quits myself, but I never once thought to find solace in someone's arms while I said "I love you" to him either. Never ever that.

Therein may be the only difference, no, I know, its a significant difference though. Anyways, we got better. We found ourselves again, and things were back on the road of improvement, back to being GxG. So now what...? And why?

I don't want you to hate him. I don't know if you ever would. View him as you want, but respect my choices, and if nothing else, guide me. As my friends, I seek your wisdom and support and love. This is a pain that I have to deal with, and only myself. But i hurt. i ache. i've cried. and i've closed off. The people I've told are outraged. They want me to leave him, they want to hurt him for hurting me, they will never see him the same way every again. And all that is fine and well...

But to stay with him or not, it's my choice. This is my relationship, my love, my experience. To treat this like you know who he is, or what we are together would be to say that all our life experiences are manufactured instead of intimate and personalized. I could have left him that day and never looked back, but after much consideration (maybe not enough) i've decided I want to try my hardest to forgive him. I could give you a million reasons why I want to, and you could give me a million reasons why I shouldn't, but I can only tell you what my heart is saying to me. My heart is saying that I still love him, and that he has realized how much of a mistake this is, and that he has recommitted himself to me and this relationship. I asked him to prove his devotion. He got my name tattooed on his wrist. In bold simple script, "Gina". That's devotion. If you didn't truly love someone and believe you would love them until death, you would never get their name permanently carved into you. But he did, and as crazy as it sounds, it was that very action that caused my decision to forgive him and work things out. I have hopes that this will be something we will have grown from, both individually, and together. I refuse to let this be my tragedy. To be more than what it is, just a mistake... a one-off that won't ever be repeated. I will try my very hardest to forgive him, but I will never let myself forget.

I will continue to stay in this relationship. I will continue to hold his hand, to let him know I love him. But I will not trust him until he has earned it. I will not give him all of me, until he has deserved it. I will continually remind him of the pain that he has caused me, in faith that it will remind him that you do not cause the ones you love to hurt. He will look at his body each day and know whom he loves, because it is carved into his skin by his own will and choice. And in loving me, that he will not risk losing me ever again. And if I just can't do this anymore, If the pain he has caused me only causes me to suffer while I'm at his side, then trust that I have the strength to walk away. I was Gina before him, and I will be Gina with or without him, but he, will not ever be the same after me.

I might instantly regret this post after I've published it, but in a way, i'm just reaching out for some love, for some strength that you can lend me.

Pray for me.... GL

I'm sold....

2009-06-16T14:10:00.000-07:00

Brand new animated short from Takashi Murakami for Louis Vuitton... my love for Murakami has grown since I first discovered his work at Giant Robot LA some odd 6-7 years ago (yes, pre-Kanye) and while artists tend to lose their lackluster when they commercialize their work (think, Tokidoki), I have continued to appreciate and stand in awe of Murakami and all his recent high-profile collabs.

Every morning

2009-06-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

Almost every morning without fail i wake up to the sound of him trying to sneak into my room. its the only room in the house that Shimo, my roommates' (Liz + Daren) Maine Coon kitten, cannot ever come and hang in, because of my allergies. i'm pretty sure the fact that it's the only part of the world (as he knows it) that he cannot call his territory, is what makes him stalk my every move from the crack beneath my door, waiting patiently sometimes but most times impatiently, for me to open my bedroom door so he can scurry into my room and explore this foreign land.

I really had to take a picture of this, because i cannot explain just how absolutely amusing and adorable and strange it is that he will stick his entire arm underneath my door and try to reach for something, anything in my room. sometimes his arms just lay there, waiting for a sound or a glimpse of action. i would hold him for days and let him sleep in my bed if my voice never dropped octaves lower and my airway never felt like it was closing in on itself. i love Shimo, but I guess I love my life more?

Floss so hard!!

2009-06-04T15:20:00.000-07:00

My third grade boyfriend....

Looking for signs of life...

2009-06-03T14:51:00.001-07:00

I've been meaning to write something here, and i mean really write, instead of just blogging a picture or a video. yet for whatever reason i can't even focus on a single thought long enough to remember to blog about it. that and maybe, i just don't know what it is i'm feeling these days. life was much simpler back then it seems, back when i only had to worry about getting my degree, not everything after that. i only had to worry about me. and i made decisions to better my life back then, that i'm only now feeling or paying the consequences of them. some days i feel weighed down by life, the constant and fruitless 8-5, neverending struggles for financial security, and i feel that my dreams and passions are drifting farther from my reach.. i am left feeling stale, mundane, stuck, claustrophobic, like my life is caving in on itself and i'm losing me. (does anyone ever know that they are losing themselves until its already happened?) or is it maybe that i really have just turned into something stale and mundane? it sounds strange, but i'm bored with myself.

i'm pretty sure i lost my blogger charm a few years back. i used to write and be very content with my posts, and accumulated some pretty devout followers, but it seems like my audience has grown weary of waiting for my revival. shit, i'm growing weary of my revival.

long ago, back at USC, i came up with "Disciples Lounge", my name for a "place' where all creatives could gather and exchange information and ideas and network and collectively build each other up. it was a rough draft of a beautiful plan, with no limitations in possibility. it could be a website, a clothing line, a cafe, a studio, a club that met every month. my grand idea for the world, and the very concept that, though it never came to fruition, was what guided and inspired me to meeting all walks of people from streetwear to streetart to musicians, cinematographers, dancers, photographers, designers, etc, etc.

i lost that self-discovering movement long ago, in the midst of being tossed into real world hardships and harsh truths. but with some motivation lately, i've been giving the idea a lot of thought and i swear, i want to make it happen. i will make it happen. i will start small and grow organically, concept, content, and purpose is everything. i see people make things happen for themselves every day, in my peers, both near and far. i will not be the exception. i refuse to be the exception.

i'm a creator. i'm a creator. i'm a creator. i'm a creator. i'm a creator.... floating on ideas, shaping thoughts and dreams,not far from now, i will hit the ground running.

damn. is it 5 yet...

Netta B "Dirty Boys" Official Music Vid!

2009-06-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

Oh kay kay kayyyyyyy....

http://tinyurl.com/dirtyboyz

This was a fun shoot even though I'm still secretly griping like some of that "wish I had knownnn I was really gonna be in this I would have put on my face" or "if I had gotten the memo to rock my heels so I could at least be as tall as everyone else". It's whatevs, I'm very thankful to be a part of it and seriously, Netta is working it! Thank you for giving us so much love with your video, Netta... you are amazing!

Now if only I could be in the music video for "Tonight"... that's the ONE.

---
P.S. I'm glad they cut out me "gettin' jiggy wid it" LOL

P.P.S Work sucks. The end.

Dirty Boyzzzz

2009-05-21T10:50:00.000-07:00

NETTA B "DIRTY BOYS" PREVIEW from TEKTONIC on Vimeo.

Really wish they had done my makeup I do not look the biz, and wish I had been fitted with gear like everyone else. But whatever! Netta B, baby.... thanks D'juan! look out for George, Nene, Ellen, Krystal, Young L.... yes, Young L from the pack.

Sorry i'm late

2009-05-19T12:59:00.000-07:00

This is a really beautiful and well-done stop-animation short film directed by Tomas Mankovsky. Extremely creative use of objects and visual illusion. See it here.

/via thelooploop

Stuff White People Like

2009-05-15T19:19:00.001-07:00

A good laugh:

stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

Click on each one to get a full description. Hilarious.

Favela Rising

2009-05-13T20:25:00.000-07:00

Just watched a really damn good documentary that I think everyone could benefit from watching. Whether it inspires you to do something positive, or at least make you thankful that humanity and hope still continues to thrive in the world...i don't know, i guess its nice to feel something powerful stir within me when most other things are numbing and i feel nothing at all from watching them.

Set in the cramped Vigario Geral, one of Rio de Janeiro's most dangerous favelas, Favela Rising is without doubt one of those documentaries that open your eyes to the beauty that can grow from struggle. The story follows two community leaders, Anderson Sa and Jose Junior, both born amidst street violence, one whom lost a brother brutally murdered in a war between drug cartels and corrupt policia, and the founding of Grupo Afro Reggae, community program/music group/youth mentorship/Universal Music signed artist group, that provided the youth with an alternative and safer lifestyle, and inspired the residents of the favelas to gain back control in their neighborhoods using music as the medium for their positive messages. They gave their community hope, and in the end, I suppose that is one of the most empowering things you can do for your own.

"We're a group of destroyed people infected by idealism."

"They sought to call society's attention to the reality they were living."

"...started to think about using music as an instrument of change. Ask yourself how to stop violence, culture is a vehicle. How do I use music as an instrument of change. Because through music you can reach everyone."

"Through music we changed our reality."

Promise this is worth your while... thank you Netflix!

Shall i proceed?

2009-05-12T23:29:00.001-07:00

yes, indeed!

/via thecarminevault

NER*D Nouveau

2009-05-12T23:06:00.000-07:00

For the launch of Intersection Magazine (Germany)

(Even one Nigo is too much, but a whole wall full of Nigo?)

/via highsnobiety.com

Looney Tunes

2009-05-06T19:56:00.000-07:00

Watching episodes of looney tunes, that's how we kick back after a long day of work:

When he cries, they turn into ice cubes. Can we say "awwwwwww!!"

Skid!

2009-05-05T23:43:00.000-07:00

(c) Reach

One of the fave artists, thought i'd put this out there for George, Pat, Drew n' all you skid-all-day, smashin'-up-hills-like-you-own-this-city, scabs-on-the-elbows-when-the-city-owns-you, fixed gear muthafuckas!

Photo Flash Focus Record

2009-05-05T12:20:00.000-07:00

Academy of Sciences (Lisel's Birthday Celebration)

Happy Churro Day @ Costco

"Lovestoned" 4/20 @ DoloresPark

Adbusters = Truth

Wrong txt msg

Freakishly Warm Weather

Zion I @ the Zoo

Giants Game photos coming soon:

Oh fuck it

2009-04-24T11:16:00.000-07:00

Amerykah Badu (c) Steven Lopez

I mean I've tried to be somewhat responsible at work by not staying on FB too long, not answering my cell phone calls, and keeping my website browsing to a min, but I'm seeing everyone come out the woodworks to blog and its like, shiiiiit let me hop on that too. Because i mean, when you're working for a red neck racist hardcore Republican who wants to shit on the little people all day, who thinks that Obama is more like an abomination and makes you read all these Repub editorial/opinion articles that say how unfair it is that the rich people have to pay taxes when the poor people don't (umm.... well the top 10% of the US with the highest earning income also make 40% of the nations income, so yeah, are we really talking about fair here?).

When it comes down to it really then, what are my incentives here to be hardworking? There really isn't much. So, here I am!

Anyways, let's see. What is new in the world. Well, what isn't. Is anything really that new before it has already been deemed old? The turnover rate of pop culture and media is accelerating at a pace that I can't keep up with. Lets credit the techmedia phenoms for this one, and my lack of substantial income. At one point where I was on top of techmedia more than anyone else I knew, now I'm extremely out of touch. Twitter? Well, I'm pretty sure I heard about it before you did (unless you're Jon & Niecee, in which case, I tip my hat to you). Just never hopped on it. I think it's ridiculous to have Twitter unless you have a 2G, internet capable cellphone. I mean, what is the point if Twitter if you have a crappy Samsung like me and you can only check and update your tweets when you get home? Ok, maybe I'm just a bit jealous that I don't have the technology I want. But that goes back to my point that media is accelerating at a remarkable pace, and one in which I can't keep up anymore.

(For all of you twit heads that are reading this, Photobucket has quietly launched Twitgoo. In the same way that TwitPic lets you share photos on Twitter, and lets you post pictures to TwitPic from your phone, through TwitPic’s API, or through the site itself, Twitgoo is looking to topple Twitpic and become the new dominant player, especially since Twitpic is having trouble coping with the rapid growth of Twitter's integration into the mainstream. I say Twitpic sell out for a premium now, while its ahead of the game.)

I really need some photos here. I have them, I just haven't uploaded them yet. Because I've been busy busy busy: work, TheCompany, Netta B vid shoot, bbq, painting, d/t SF, North Beach, Noe Valley brunch, 420 @ DoloresPark, ClubSix art night, LA, roller skating, lots of dining out, The Giants game, and just chillin'. The only thing I regret to say I haven't been doing much of is hanging out with the UFO fams, I miss all of them so much.

So until I got the visuals to provide decent storytelling, which who knows when that will be, here is my little stake in the blogger world just to say that I'm alive and kicking. Au revoir.

Got a ?uest-ion for you....

2009-04-02T11:56:00.000-07:00

Are you down?
Okayplayer, see you there.

Today

2009-02-28T16:03:00.000-08:00

I didn't wake up until noon, and haven't done anything except take a shower for the past four hours. I love today.

Love meet me there

2009-02-23T23:05:00.000-08:00

"…so long since I’ve been home. I was born across seas. Fell out of my mother’s body into the hands of a stranger. Knew first what foreign flesh felt like.

Home is nowhere I can pinpoint on a map. I try, tracing my finger over fallen trade routes. Following the X where gold should lie. More and more high backed caves breathing emptiness.

The world is eternally at an arms length. As we break barriers we become breathless. Cannot merge together for longer than the orgasm, digging nails into forearms. And release. Somewhere I will find Love.

Somewhere there is more than seconds. I will see my mother in your eyes and not wake up tomorrow with a migraine. We will etch words into our gravestones together, side by side seeing life with all of its height width depth complexity. No shortcuts. Love, will you meet me there?

Wild love that I name with a feeling for you escape all language. The letters of the alphabet form envious formations around the energy your thought ignites. There is no fear, no hope, no longing for your arrival here. I sit patient and do not need. Your absence soothes, aches, permeates, satisfies. I am getting longer, growing in the light of your endless wandering.

Do not settle. Shape-shift and melt away again. Do not slow down or cling to anything. I will meet you at the height of the mountain and we will jump together. "

- Tess Spinola

.... Some people know exactly what to say to make the heart feel something painfully beautiful. Tess is a brilliant writer. I know this with the utmost certainty because when I read her work, my feelings grow magnified, concentrated, intense. In my favorite works of writing, there is always a passage, a verse, a paragraph, a sentence, even just a simple phrase, that makes me feel something so distinct that the feeling is forever imprinted in my memory. When I want to feel that specific way, I always just re-read that specific part. Tess' work does this to me. I had read this earlier yesterday, but then today, I felt an urgent need to just read it. It made me feel something that I yearned for. To me, this is a mark of a brilliant writer. Thanks for sharing this, tess. Don't ever stop sharing.

/via facebook.com

Siftables Demo at TED2009

2009-02-13T10:44:00.000-08:00

What is TED? Technology. Entertainment. Design.

Beginning as a conference in 1984 with the intention to merge those three platforms of innovation together, the conference now brings together the world's greatest thinkers and doers and challenges them to give the talk of their lives (in 18 minutes).

The California TED Conferences have just passed, and one of the speakers was MIT Grad Student Dave Merill, who introduced Siftables, these cookie-sized computerized tile blocks that you can stack and shuffle, but what makes these so jaw-dropping is how they are able to sense and interact with each other. These future-toys do math, play music, talk to their friends, and create narratives too.

"We are on the cusp of these tools for interacting with digital media, that is going to bring information into our world, on our terms." - Dave Merrill

This is just amazing, don't you think?

/via ted.com

There is nothing...

2009-02-08T22:57:00.000-08:00

like a really good, exhausting rehearsal.

You need to see this.

2009-02-07T05:00:00.000-08:00

Don't know who made it, and its 5am and i'm still awake, so... that's that.

/via itsnicethat.com

Happy Birthday, Bob...

2009-02-06T16:47:00.001-08:00

Put one in the air.

Peace be the journey!

2009-02-05T12:10:00.000-08:00

aka cool runnings

"You know 'dem some people can't believe, in Jamaica, we gohhht a booobsled team!"

Haha, that's a throwback. That picture right there is classic too, i think i've made that face a few times myself actually.

Tomorrow, i get my first dental check-up and cleaning in what seems to be over a decade. I know thats horrible, but I only wish i was exaggerating. I am so excited to get my teeth looked over by my own cousin Alan who is a practicing dentist and just opened his own dental office in Mountain View. If you live around or near that area, or just want a dope dentist, I really recommend him. He might be the coolest dentist you'll ever have. He told me he even has a flat screen tv in front of the chair that you can bring in movies and watch while he's doing work on you. We'll see if thats really true or if he told me that just to lure me in for a checkup. What a dentist for our generation, huh? I do, however, feel bad for him. I think I have a handful of cavities, plus all my wisdom teeth need to go, and i'm sure a number of other problems. Thanks cuzzo, you're the best.

Soap Box Moment No. 2

There are some crazy people in SF. I'm not really talking about the obvious ones either. Not the ones who scream obscenities out loud but not at anyone in particular, nor the ones who mumble to themselves and kind of sway in your direction as you pass by but not by their own conscious will more than the one that is drug induced. I mean, we all know those ones run abound in the city. I'm talking about the obscure ones that you don't really realize are crazy until you start interacting with them for a while. Today as i was getting back from my interview i had to park on the opposite side of the street because of street cleaning. Being a weekday and most folks are at work, i had no worries because the street was practically empty. All of the sudden, after i had chosen a spot and parked and got out of the car, a middle-aged lady began talking to me from the second story window of the house i had parked adjacent to. The conversation went as follows:

Lady: "Excuse me, are you going to be here the whole day?"
Me: (Looks around to see if she's talking to someone else) "Pardon me?"
Lady: "Are you going to be parked here the whole day?"
Me: "Um, no i might just be here at most for a couple of hours, why?"
Lady: "Do you mind parking in your driveway? Or somewhere else?"
Me: "Uh, why?"
Lady: "I can't get into my garage"
Me: (Checking car to make sure i'm not blocking their driveway) "I'm not blocking your garage"
Lady: "No, I mean, I can't get into my garage"
Me: "Umm....I don't understand quite what you mean"
Lady: "Do you think you could park in your driveway, or just move one spot over?"
Me: "You mean so i'm not right in front of your door?"
Lady: "Yes, since we can't get into our garage, we like to park there, where you car is now, you know how hard parking can get here."

UM. The entire street is empty, void of cars, and it was only about 10 feet from where i was parked to the next available spot. Lady, are you telling me that you want me to move so that when you need to park there, the spot is going to be free for you? Is that what you're really saying? You want me to move and park somewhere that's farther for me to walk so that you can just get out your car and walk two feet to your doorstep instead of twelve!?

Isn't there like, an unspoken rule or something, that if you have to park streetside, then the spot goes to whomever comes first? Doesn't everyone know that unless its your property, i.e., your garage, your driveway, the rest of the street is fair game? You can't claim a piece of the street just because its around your house. Sorry to break it to you, but you don't own that little piece of curb right next to your mailbox unless it specifically says so.

I gave her one long look, locked my car, and walked back to my house.
The fuck i look like!?!

"I see pride! I see power! I see a bad ass mudda who won't take noooo crap off of nobody!!!"
- Cool Runnings

Zombie dot hack sign

2009-01-31T18:11:00.000-08:00

It would have been tight to see this driving on the freeway, but this happened in Austin, TX, near the University of Texas. The constructions signs were hacked Monday morning, warning the residents of Austin that a zombie attack was imminent.

/via wooster collective

Lions, tigers, and oh... you know the rest.

2009-01-28T19:00:00.000-08:00

George and I finally went to the SF Zoo like we'd been planning for so long. Being a quiet Wednesday, it felt like we had the zoo all to ourselves. My camera ran out of battery an hour into the zoo, but i managed to get all the photos i really wanted (tigers, of course). We saw gorillas, grizzly bears, rhinos, sea otters, penguins, lemurs, chimpanzees, kangaroos and even one with a baby in its pouch, the new baby giraffe that was just born two days ago, and one of the oddest little primates i've ever seen:

Fu Man Chu moustache

All in all, it was a good day, and actually, I would recommend a zoo visit to anyone. People don't enjoy amusements and attractions enough. And at only $12 if you're a San Francisco resident, its really worthwhile.

I am going to adopt a tiger.

La vie en bleu

2009-01-27T21:33:00.000-08:00

A Soap Box Moment: No. 1

2009-01-23T15:03:00.000-08:00

Boxcuttuhz on ABDC (c) MTV

First of all, lets be clear here about one thing. I don't follow ABDC because I think the show is great. Or even good. I think its a shitty show, and lacks integrity and the reality that all "Reality TV" shows lack. I follow the show because I have friends that are on that show. and I support and follow them and their successes. Yes I am going to call in and vote for folks if it means investing in their future and possibly bringing them closer to $100k. What friend wouldn't do that?

With that said. I got a message last night from Matt saying that Team Millenia and Boxcuttuhz were in the bottom two, and then found out today that Boxcuttuhz were eliminated. In Episode 2?? What the fuck! Sorry for the language but WHAT. THE. FUCK. I supported both teams equally because I am a O.G. member of Boxcuttuhz, and TM because all three of the girls are from my crew Sheroes, and the TM studio has been my dance home for the past two years before I moved up to Frisco. Both groups offer so much talent and entertainment, and neither group deserved to be put in the bottom last night. Why do we insist on watching MTV when we know the shit is rigged? And someone please tell me why does America likes those bone snapping freaks from Brooklyn? I can't believe some would even consider that b.s. dancing. Oh Lil' Mama, why don't you just go and bedazzle their outfits or something, you like them sooooooooo much.

Its too bad for the nation, really. Yet another group of blazingly creative artists thrown out, and MTV didn't even give them the chance to really show off. I guess America just isn't ready for Lando aka Bang Jenkins and the real ring of fire. Let's hope to God they don't do the same to TM soon. Seems to me Beat Freaks are already slated to win, and i hate that i can already predict that so early on. They are amazing talent, but once again, I don't want to root for the crew that everyone knows is going to win. What's the fun in that?

Its all bullshit anyways.

The Ones We Love

2009-01-22T15:06:00.001-08:00

(c)lina scheynius

"The Ones We Love is a project highlighting young and talented photographers from around the world. Each artist contributed six photographs of the person(s) who is most important to them, taken outdoors in a natural setting. The goal of the website is to portray the people who are loved, cherished, and inspirational to these artists, and also showcase the differences and similarities in the photographs each of them took within the same guidelines."

//via wired

Hello Kitty strikes again!

2009-01-22T13:57:00.000-08:00

(c) AP, w. santana

Damn. for real?? it really isn't enough to take over lunch boxes, pencils, stationery, hell, even airplanes, but you got to monopolize a maternity ward in taiwan? i have to admit this is damn cute. hello kitty, you will never be satisfied, will you? oh, i kind of want to have a baby in taiwan now. ok no, not really, but i did think about it for a half-second.

read the article here.

current state:

listening: janelle monae - many moons (trackademicks 'y'all better shut up' remix)
feeling: do or die
craving: starbucks

Struggling to stay up

2009-01-21T14:04:00.000-08:00

It's cold and cloudy today, i knew that sunny weather wouldn't last long. but i'm trying to make the best of everything, especially since my days are seemingly numbered here. i try my best to avoid looking at calendars, and i wince whenever i have to. times never slows down, and its such a struggle just to keep up these days.

Spring 2008 Dulce near grimaldi's, brooklyn

End of Summer 2008 Dulce (c) r. saethang

Fall 2008 Dulce (c) r. saethang

thanks for periodically checking in on me, rich. if anyone is looking for a seriously great blog to read, you need to check him out. this is one of my dearest friends, and ever since he left the west for the big apple, he's been updating readers with all his adventures. poet, artist, freak-genius-flash-web-designer-guru, photographer, dj, wanderlust.

thanks kindred for this one.

History in the making + Huge MLK Weekend Update!!

2009-01-20T16:21:00.000-08:00

(c) tony karumba / gettyimages

A few things have happened since i've last updated that deserve much attention. first and foremost, WE HAVE A NEW PRESIDENT. thank you Lord! second of all, for the first time in history, we have a black president. but more important than his skin color, is the fact that he is smart, inspiring, and trustworthy, and we, the American people, actually stand by this leader. its about time. by this hour today, all of us have either watched Obama's inauguration live on tv, or read the news articles; either way, we have all seen the photos of the estimated 1.5 million people that swarmed together in freezing temperatures in the early morning to witness firsthand this momentous historical occasion. but did you know there are celebrations going on world wide for Obama? its amazing! can you remember the last time any photos were taken of people celebrating when Bush was voted into office eight horrid years ago? exactly my point.

i wear this shirt today as a proud American:

oh and do you know what else is dope about that first photo? his paper hat has a photo of President Obama and underneath it says "We Have Hope". and he's a kenyan. for more photos from celebrations around the world, click here.

Onwards, ho, to the weekend update!
......................

MLK Weekend Update

okay, seriously? this was an amazing weekend. i'll show you why in chronological order, but this is going to be image-heavy, so just be patient for all the loading.

SAT 11AM: E'KWEL PHOTOSHOOT / ALBANY SKATE PARK

For the second part of their premiere, the e'kwel staff enlisted the amazing photographer and homie of mine ricky afuang. e'kwel is a brand new clothing label created by sisters tati and kai (see previous post for reference), and it is a clothing line truly for the cultural conscious connoisseurs and the individuals empowered to maintain and promote social justice. blend that with the eclectic fashion, dance, music, and artistic background of the two and you get the amazing concept of e'kwel.

for this particular shoot, we shot at the skate park just outside of berkeley, and prepped at donna's house in san carlos. thanks to the ladies for letting me get my zoolander on. i can't really post photos of the clothes, because that would just be ruining the surprise when the look book is released, but here are some of the behind the scenes shots to give you a taste of the day:

the brain behind the e'kwel operation

sade and george prepping for shoot

e'kwel x truc uno

rockin' the vintage L.A. Gears that i found in my garage

in mid-smoothie (homemade just for me by donna d!)
tasted just like caribbean passion

in the midst of following donna and getting us lost, i found this beauty.

dalek custom decals!

el's legs + my mini cruiser get some camera time too!

g x g on set.

(skater) boy george

ricky working his magic

his weapon of choice

there were so many young skaters there

no idea what this trick is called

and some of them were ridiculous good, like this one:

waiting for his turn in the bowl

after he gets in the bowl, he's pumping his legs so hard and i swear he's just carving through with so much style its almost ridiculous seeing how young he is.

a lot of air up there

i will post links to the e'kwel photoshoot once its released, i can't wait to see the results!

GEORGE'S 21ST BIRTHDAY!

Sunday was my boo's 21st birthday, so we spent the entire weekend celebrating it.... here's a photo recap of it all:

SAT NIGHT: DEZ'S BDAY PARTY / THE BRUCE HOUSE

saturday marked dez's 21st bday, and midnight was the start of george's, so there was no better way to celebrate this coming-of-age occasion except drunk with 200+ beers, a table full of food, and in the company of friends:

happy birthday desiree bruce!

For more photos, go to my Flickr.... there's too many to post!

SUN DAY:

Gave george his gift although i really couldn't give him his gift yet. i ordered him a new Mercier online but because of MLK weekend it wasn't going to arrive until the 20th, so i had to give him a gift that would let him know what his gift was. make sense?

to my relief, he loved the cupcakes and loved the fact that he was getting a fixed gear finally after months and months of debating. it just arrived today actually. he's stoked.

SUN NIGHT: BENIHAHA + THE DARK ROOM

p.s. i think i gave him the best birthday balloon ever!

More photos from this night also on Flickr.

All in all, this weekend was more about celebrating with George and being with all our friends... thanks to all the folks: Since'88 / RMA / NK / TheCompany / E'kwel / U.F.O. Movement.... and Happy Birthday baby, i love you. we love you.

It was a good day in the neighborhood...

2009-01-16T01:04:00.000-08:00

Had my new (old) Retna shirt on today and it made me feel straight vibrant. its brand new to me but its an old design, courtesy of UP storewide 50% sale, baby! i can never get over how fresh his shit is, i don't care that this shirt is doin' the most with front and back full-color. get off mines....

Today taina (tati) and i finally had our meeting after numerous rainchecks from both parties, and she took me to pacifica to eat at this tiny joint called Camelot - the atmosphere there is great, the decor looks like a bar fit for pirates, everything is woodsy and i swear you can almost smell the sea water wafting in every time the door opens. and good God. the food is delicious. from the moment you walk in, you're immediately assaulted with the smell of fish, so you know they cook up a mean fish n' chips here.

Gettin' down to business though, my girl tati is truly a force of talent. we became friends about a year ago through mutuals, but our similarities and creative paths brought us much closer than most regular friendships. i'm seriously an honorary family member of hers, no lie, that is the official word. we are like that! i even remember on my very birthday night, t and i were both hella twisted and a bunch of us were outside just choppin' it up, and then me and her started our own conversation, and just as she started pointing out the constellations to me, all of the sudden we saw a shooting star fly right across the night sky! my first shooting star, and with that U.F.O. woman... now i'm not superstitious or believe much in any hocus pocus, but i believe in fate, and that moment in and of itself confirmed for me that in the most simple and obvious way God could show me, this friend was destined to guide me to reach my own stars. i say this in all honesty.

ok, i've digressed...

but our meeting was pretty productive. planning for the months ahead for work with U.F.O. movement, e'kwel, and holding down the fort when her and algin make way to new york, and not to mention we've got some pretty realistic plans on taking over the world so.... wait and see, lol.

Camelot and its beautiful red door

I might buy a glass if the turtle came with it

Tati grubbin' on that seafood!

After our meal and meeting, we took a stroll over to the beach cliff, and the beautiful sunny day made for some pretty nice shots:

The nicest i've ever seen Pacifica look

She tells me a U.F.O. is on its way to pick me up too...

And after our meeting, i'm starting to believe it.

We plan to make this a weekly thing, so hopefully more gina & tati stories to come in the future.

Later on in the day:

- Another meeting dinner with Algin, Tati, George, and myself at the pho spot near westlake. and just as with the last meeting, this meeting is just another affirmation of just how limitless our skies are.

- Company rehearsal getting ready for a gig tomorrow, had to learn American Boy floor part pretty quickly, but i'm partnering with my boo (finally) so its going to be fun. plus there's bound to be good food there!

- Pat's house to watch ABDC and some bomb pizza from Senore's, dude that Ranch dressing sealed the deal. Beat Freaks was off the chain, i almost think its not fair to have them on the show, they literally paved the way in the industry to create a nationwide dance frenzy that lead to shows like this, so is it really fairplay to group a bunch of all-star legends in one group and have them compete?? just my two cents there. oh, my girls on TM looked HOT and held it down, they deserve to be on that show and i can't wait to see how far they go, and well, my Boxcuttuhz got set up in the bottom three but i already have that America-is-not-even-ready-for-that-Boxcuttuh-talent-just-wait-and-see confidence, so i'm not even afraid of any of my folk gettin' kicked off. This season looks to be good, now that those damn G.O.P. yin-yang covered dancers aren't on the show anymore. and i actually enjoyed the cloggers. so what!

And now, i need to catch up to him:

so goodnight y'all.

hoo ha limey cocksuckers!

2009-01-15T11:18:00.000-08:00

aw, don't be offended, i've just been watching so much deadwood lately my usual cursing has been replaced with phrases that only seem fitting if i too were gold-mining in some lawless camp in the 19th century. i find it amusing anyway, every other sentence has "cocksucker" or "cunt" and i want to laugh every time someone says it. the show itself is amazing and i'm actually kind of sad i never gave the show a chance until last week on a fleeting whim at blockbuster. deadwood was a real camp in south dakota made of people from all over the united states that rushed there after stories of gold and riches, and being former indian land, the camp had no laws or rules because they were not yet a part of the united states. imagine trying to establish order in a town crazed by the idea of prospecting gold, with people arriving daily with entrepreneurial goals on their mind, and no set law? just imagine!

how come no one ever told me about this show before?

What the heez.

2008-09-22T20:08:00.000-07:00

The stock market is about to crash, and everything is headed towards the shitters.... like my car.

so the trunk of my Scion TC has been giving me a headache lately. it always seems stuck and requires a little more effort to open than i'd like. then today, after i had bought groceries and was trying to open my trunk to put my grocery bags in, the trunk handle just broke the fuck off! WHAT IS THAT!!! stupid scion. i drove home from the market trying so hard to avoid any bumps in the road as i had just snapped it back on in hopes that it would stay on temporarily while i drove back home. it did. but now i don't know what to do. doing some research on google showed me a lot of scion forums where several tc owners have had this problem, just bought the part, and re-installed it. so i went outside to really inspect the damage to my handle and it looks a lot easier than just a ten-minute easy install. it is for reals BROKEN.

i know going to a dealership to get it fixed is just going to cost twice as much as buying the part online and doing it myself. then again, i'm not like, you're avid car owner that thoroughly enjoys dismantling stock parts and upgrading them with aftermarket mods and carbon-fiber intake suspension alloy this and that. i obviously don't know much about cars, and i don't know care. i just want a trunk that works. but to save money that i cannot afford to spend anyways, maybe i should just try to do it myself. or just buy the part and bring it to the dealership. hmm, what to do what to do. oh the woes of being middle class. stupid scion, i love you car but ooooh i really don't have to like you you right now!

Maybe

2008-09-17T12:37:00.000-07:00

its because we aren't meant to be over yet. and thats why he can still make me smile. perhaps the day that he can no longer make me smile and laugh is the day that i'll be ready to move on. but not yet. not when he's still the one that i love with all my heart.

i pray for honesty and devotion.

I don't want to be bitter but i am.

2008-09-16T14:17:00.000-07:00

this is how you know that love is not like the kind you read about in fairytales, or watch in movies, or even read in fiction novels, like the ones where no matter how unrealistic characters might be (i.e. stephanie meyers' books about the love between a girl and and a vampire), there seems to always be an underlying theme of love that makes the story more humanistic than not. but you know that this idealism of true love is the kind that you were brought up to understand and expect from another, not how it actually is in real life. i know this to be true when say, the man you've loved for two years who supposedly wants to spend the rest of his life with you can't stop lying to you, fucks up dearly, and the only thing he can say is 'i'm sorry' over a text message, instead of trying to win you back in person, on his knees, with flowers, with conviction and commitment in his heart and mind. and even when you succumb to weakness and beg him to do his best to win you back because you do truly love him, the only thing he has to say is, "well i have errands to run, but can i come over later?"

i just don't know if i can spend my entire life with that. i don't think i want to settle for that. not only two years into a relationship. not when i have moved my entire life up north just to be with him. not when i can't help but believe that "true love" in that fairytale sense still exists out there. it does for some, so why can't it for me?

please knight in shining armor, come save me.

The gay welder.

2008-09-15T13:06:00.000-07:00

Thank you pat cruz for this link:

after MAGIC las vegas, The Arab Parrot (best way to describe him is along the lines of Vice Mags Do's and Don'ts), did a breakdown of fashion at the convention that week. now i think its only fitting that i shine some light on this particular post, considering how much of a fan i am of theotherduck clothing and its creator (um... false!), it kills me to think that there is an assumption that "dancers" don't know how to dress, and its people like her that tip the scale in favor of general truth. ooh, it really just stabs me in the heart. i'm a dancer, but i also have a pair of eyes, and visual vomit is usually not the look i'm going for, how about you? i mean, forget the 30% of us that are really tryin' to hold that shit down with actual style and presentation in everything we do, but what about the other 70% that still thinks all-over print is still even fucking socially allowed. i could maybe still back all-over print if it was tasteful, not guns and brass knuckles and neon this, or logo that. but back to my point about the arab parrot. well, check out the link and see for yourself, and note who debuted as taking the MOST RETARDED AWARD THIS YEAR.

ok, ok, so it was a tie between her and the gay welder. but personally, i would much rather put on that gay welder's jumper, thrown a fat belt on it, and worked that shit out with some hot hot heels then wear whatever you wanna call that other outfit. yikes.

all i really want to say is thank you arab parrot. i'm not the only one that thinks that shit is long past lame. so does everyone else at MAGIC, everyone meaning all the designers, sales reps, shit, all the people that create and steer the trends that you badly dressed dancers will catch on to two seasons too late. oh well.

do yourself a favor, dancers and aspiring dancers. don't go on youtube and only wear a certain type of kicks just because your favorite dancer does it. it won't make you dance better, promise. it will just make your favorite dancer want to rock another brand of kicks so that its not the same as you. don't rock a tacky ass neon t-shirt with a lame duck logo thinking that it is going to signify you as anything but a tool wearing a tacky ass neon t-shirt with a lame duck logo. got it? ok, moving forward.

San francisco, will you be mine?

2008-09-14T00:58:00.000-07:00

i've moved. to the bay. i did it for an upgrade in work and salary and shoot, my career initially. i would be omitting a great detail if i never said that i also did it for george, but more importantly, above all else, i did it because living in los angeles for eight years grew less about enjoying life and the fruits of the city and more about planning my escape from that vast expanse that felt about as real to me as a movie set. i was truly at the point where i began to feel if i pushed hard enough against any building wall, that it might knock over and reveal to me the real and beautiful los angeles, and that maybe someone somewhere might yell "cut" and i would realize that i was just acting out someone's badly written screenplay. but as hard as i pushed to see my idea of los angeles come to realization, it never came. and the more i sat in frustration as to why i never could, i looked to the horizon and saw that san francisco was calling me in all ways that los angeles could never begin to know how. so i moved.

i took the big leap of faith and packed up everything, and before most my friends could even say bon voyage, i was gone. and now that i'm here, i have to say despite all initial "life change" woes and second-guessing, i realized i made the right decision. it was a heart break to leave my family, and to leave all my friends from college, and my sheroes. i didn't drown in la because i had the right individuals in my life to keep me afloat. but now that i'm here in sf, i am more pleased living here than i have been in la for some time. change, apparently, can be good for you. who knew?

so now that i'm here in the bay...

tonight while driving home from sacramento for a dance showcase where a few of us performed with UFO Movement, aggie, pat, carlyne, and i had this long conversation about a string of things that eventually lead to the good old days of blogging, and i said something about, how i missed blogging on my xanga and that it had been so long since any of us did it, and then aggie said, "we still do", and i turned to her in amazement, wondering how long it had been since i was faithfully checking in on my xanga journal every night to read something that her, christank, mikefal, jay, or any of my friends would blog about. in a way, i slowly disconnected with those people in my life as soon as i disconnected with my blog. i realize in hindsight now that distance made all of our friendships unique and that the blog platform allowed us to connect in a way that would normally not be possible otherwise. when i fell of, so did my connection with them. damn. i hated that about me. i hated that i wasn't as close to those important individuals as i was before. of course, life takes you in different courses as well, but still. pat commented on how it just feels good to read blogs and read other peoples' writings, and i agree. some of the best lessons in life i can admit i learned through someone else's eyes, just by reading their thoughts.

anyways, i thought i'd just make an attempt to write again. my friend rich moved to new york recently, and has devotedly kept up a blog about his experiences and discoveries in new york, and it is one of my favorite online reads. besides the fact that he is doing some serious visual damage with amazing shots of the city, coupled with his clever anecdotes, posts, and the good song selection he has going on there, new york is just a fascinating place to me as well, and right now i am living it up in the big apple vicariously through him. haha. so i guess i can say it was him who really got me thinking about blogging about my experiences in san francisco. but dang, my digicam just broke. so i guess for now, i hope you can tolerate just hear my thoughts for a while, actually i just hope that i can just tolerate hearing my thoughts for a while.

is anyone still out there? can anyone hear me?

YOU DECIDE 2008

2008-01-08T22:06:00.000-08:00

everyone needs to vote this year. the possibility for another fuckup to lead the United States for the next four years is the real state of emergency. like Sam said in her most recent post, the deadline to register for the primaries is January 22nd. i'm going to get on that friday morning before work.

who am I voting for? obama. but thats just me. you figure out who suits you, be it republican or democrat. just vote.

Can you please

2007-05-21T17:58:00.000-07:00

say what you mean, mean what you say. if you say you're going to work on something, follow through with it and show me that you're trying. you wonder why i get irritated so easily, but its no wonder to me. you promised progress but you digressed. and actually, you laugh it off. i just can't stand that shit. people who say they'll do something and just don't. its such a disappointment. and you wonder why i yell. its because you just don't take me seriously enough. but i'm pretty fucking serious.

Taking note of current culture // pt. 1

2007-05-21T15:01:00.000-07:00

there are some interesting things happening out there in the world today. a lot of it is pertinent to your everyday life and something you probably "need-to-know", and then there are things like what i'm featuring below, which you probably don't need to know, but as a culture consumer, you could probably use to your advantage in a conversation some point in the near future. here's a list of things i've found recently out there on the www:

1. HELLO KITTY AIRLINE!

why stop at pencils, erasers, plush toys and stickers? why not start your own airline! now, every girl you knew growing up, who collected Hello Kitty, can now collect something else...air miles! (you know you're excited). yes, taiwan's EVA Air has just announced their new 'Hello Kitty' fleet of aircraft with service from taiwan to japan. supposedly they have even reupholstered all of the business and economy seats with "Hello Kitty" print fabrics, and the boarding passes even have the famous kitty's face on it. i wonder if it costs the same, and if so, if i'm ever going to fly from taiwan to japan. its actually very probably for me considering i'm taiwanese.

2. AIRBUS FLYING FROM SF --> LA COMING THIS SUMMER??

Virgin America Cleared for Take-Off: Airline Receives Final Approval to Launch from Dept of Transportation.

yet another airline update. as much as i've really been waiting for the plane i fly to be upholstered in top-to-bottom hello kitty, this is the travel news i've actually been waiting for. i do hope it makes flying back and forth between SF and LA cheaper, that would be tooo good.

3. SAM FLORES' STUDIO

artist fecal face stopped in to visit sam flores not too long ago.... and you can read about it here. not only does he offer an inside peek of sam's studio that most of us will never get to see, but his photos are of the Lab 101 show that i just went to; its nice to see the behind the scenes work that got put into the making of that exhibition.

4. HOW TO BE AN ALASKAN FISHERMAN

(courtesy of fecal face)

another fecal face plug, damn, i just love the content on his blog, i hit it up almost daily. this time, he has corey arnold, star of my favorite discovery channel show "deadliest catch", giving us background as to how he started on his career sailing the treacherous seas for crab, halibut, cod, etc, etc... he used to go to art school in SF. pretty crazy what roads we travel in a lifetime....

Feelin' like a champ!!!!

2007-05-19T20:57:00.000-07:00

this is kind of lame to post on a saturday night, and i promise you'll agree after you're done reading, but i woke up today really craving olive garden's zuppa toscana soup. does anyone know what i'm talking about? olive garden, if you've ever been, only serves two kinds of soups, the dark red minestrone, and the creamy potato-sausage one. the zuppa toscana, as it is named, is so delicious, that i have driven to westwood just to eat at the olive garden restaurant JUST to have the soup. and then it hit me.

on the internet, you can find ANYTHING. so i googled the bad boy and viola....i found it. damn, i am so smart... :)

Zuppa Toscana Soup like Olive Garden's®
Spicy sausage and bacon, russet potatoes and greens in a creamy broth.

Submitted By: Jessica Dudley
Serves: 10
Prep. Time: 0:35

1 lb. spicy Italian sausage - crumbled
1/2 lb. smoked bacon - chopped
1 qt. water
(2) 14.5 oz. cans (about 3 2/3 cups) chicken broth
2 lg. russet potatoes - scrubbed clean, cubed
2 garlic cloves - peeled, crushed
1 med. onion - peeled, chopped
2 cups chopped kale OR Swiss chard
1 cup heavy whipping cream
salt and pepper - to taste

-In a skillet over medium-high heat, brown sausage, breaking into small pieces as you fry it; drain, set aside.
-In a skillet over medium-high heat, brown bacon; drain, set aside.
-Place water, broth, potatoes, garlic, and onion in a pot; simmer over medium heat until potatoes are tender.
-Add sausage and bacon to pot; simmer for 10 minutes.
-Add kale and cream to pot; season with salt and pepper; heat through.

try to make it. if you enjoy potatos in your soup, you'll probably like this a lot.
ok, redemption time. i'm off to go have some fun now.... maybe meet up with steve and reimar, then gallery opening in alhambra, then party in cerritos with wobz and vangie..... i'm lovin' it. cheers.

Kanye graduates!

2007-05-14T16:38:00.000-07:00

kanye just seems to impress me more and more. when his first album "college dropout" came out in 2004, all i had in rotation was the 'workout plan' and 'get em high', which by the way, was my anthem for the entire last half of '04. since then, with "late registration", he's graduated from the pop-imbued stereo bangers to something heavier and more mature, so i guess its fitting that this next album is titled "graduation"...scheduled to release in the late summer, i have to say i'm very much looking forward to the new kanye...

plus, his album cover is done by none other than one of my favorites, takashi murakami:

Weekend recap...

2007-05-14T13:51:00.000-07:00

THURSDAY:

the fun really began thursday, as i was booked for my first ever paid vid shoot, for none other than miss h.duff. the song was called "stranger" and i was to be a "featured dinner guest". we were told to meet up at st. francis of assisi (silverlake/echopark area), and i thought it strange that it was going to be shot on a church, because i figured hey, this must have a huge budget, no? of course that was just my naiveté, because we actually got shuttled to a multi-million dollar mansion with practically a 360degree view of the los angeles cityscape. it was breathtaking, like its own little mini village in the heart of italy or something. there was a gigantic marbled swimming pool in the terrace of the mansion, and thats where all of the extra talent were put before we got ready for make-up/hair/wardrobe. a craft services guy was carrying around a huge tray of drinks, which when i asked him what it was when i got mine, he replied "perrier and pomegranate juice, i hope you find it to your liking"... 0_o. bougiebooots all the way. but it was actually very much so to my liking, haha. craft services was amazing, you can get anything from cookies, fruits, candy bars, powerbars, coffee, tea, cup o' noodles, crackers, mixed nuts, trail mix, and during lunch they served steak medallions, mashed potatoes, roasted veggies, and like five thousand different kinds of salads and toppings. a girl could get used to this...

but the shoot itself was amazing too. i was surrounded by lots of tall and beautiful actors/actresses/models, and the guys all had british accents so of course i was striking up conversations with everyone just to hear their accents, haha. i even spoke to one of them in my faux-british accent, and they actually said it was believable...YES. the banquet table that we were sitting at was filled with food like in the movie hook, where you have piles of all different kinds of foods. and it all looked very tempting as we didn't even start shooting until about 8pm, and i was definitely getting hungry. but the food that was on the table had been sitting out for a few hours already, so they advised us not to eat it. and after some P.A. came around and spritzed our plates down with water to make it look more fresh, i didn't want any of it anymore. so how does one pretend to be eating dinner without actually eating dinner?

the only thing we could eat on the table were the cookies and fruit, and so the entire scene, if you look closely, everyone is probably eating strawberries and sipping on champagne (read: apple cider). i wish you could have seen what the set looked like from my point of view. here i was, in a grand mansion that was kind of creepy on the inside, the banquet room decorated in lots of taxidermy (stufffed polar bears, owls, moose heads, etc), and here we were required to act like close friends having an intimate dinner with hilary, fake laughing and chatting and making the rest of the world that watches this video feel like they should want to be where we were that night. it was a sight to see. and at least we were dressed to the nines in very stylish, eccentric outfits. well, everyone else, was, i was actually wearing all my own clothes that i had brought to the set. but the head stylist (note: this is my segue to my exciting new job prospect) really liked what i had on already and didn't want to fit me with any of her clothes while all the other girls and guys wore the stylists' pieces. anyways, this stylist, who has worked with people like kate bosworth, jessica simpson, avril, mariah, diane lane, etc, etc.... kept looking me up and down, and finally asked me with each piece of clothing i wore, "is this mine or yours?" when i kept saying that it was in fact, mine, and not hers, she paused for a brief moment and said, "i love your style, you should come work for me, would you like a job?" eeeeeee! i didn't know what to think, i just said, "O.K." and then she said, "alright, be at my house at 9am tomorrow"

FRIDAY:

worked 9am-7:30pm at this stylists house, which by the way, is filled top to bottom with racks of gucci, prada, chanel, roberto cavalli, and like a thousand other design house labels. i've never seen so many jimmy choos in a pile in my life, at least 25 pairs tossed haphazardly into a bin, like sad leftovers. i spent the entire day with two other assistants unzipping all the clothes from the shoot out of their garment bags, and organizing them by label/store/pr firm to get them ready to be sent back. because the video shoot had a lot of outfit changes plus so many extras on the first day (that wednesday before i went in to the shoot), there had been a lot of clothes that we needed to go through. it was HELL!

but at least i got the experience to work with this stylist. i wanted to talk to her about whether it was going to be a full-time job or at least get some details since she had asked me so spur-of-the-moment, but the morning i got there she was out the door for some interview with bravo. i'm still waiting for her to get back to me, as i absolutely refuse to work anymore hours without knowing if i'm getting paid or not. if it ends up being some kind of internship, since one of the girls there is an intern at the moment, i might just take it up part-time since its such a rare and fantastic opportunity (and definitely would look like gold on my resume), but it would be ideal if i was on payroll.

but i was exhausted. between going on two fed-ex runs, dropping off clothes at some bitchy pr firms, and a food run, i was organizing and looking for clothes the entire time. i never stopped working except to eat lunch, and that was probably for fifteen minutes, max.

i was so happy to meet up with steph after i got out, since we decided to check out the "smitten" exhibition opening at thinkspace....

audrey kawasaki

stella im hultberg

brandi milne

kuKula

amy sol

it was such a dope exhibit, for more photos, check me out at flickr. to see these photos, you actually have to add me as a friend or family. i've restricted access to the rest of the world, so do it and i promise you'll see more flicks.

SATURDAY:

sam flores opening exhibit "kid n' play" at lab101 in culver city. its his first solo exhibition in LA since 2004, i believe, so he was definitely well received. the concept of the exhibit is a kid-friendly environment that encourages the youngins to get up and close to art that normally would not be intended for them. he designed a few mock rooms with furniture, headboards, baby crib, etc, and there was a gigantic figure of one of his signature ladies which kids could climb into and play in. it was amazing, and i hope one day when i have kids their toys and room decor will be that of sam flores, haha. anyways, i got him to sign my Samuel Flores book:

and also sign something for george, since he's one of george's favorite artists.

here's some flicks from the exhibit:

this should be my headboard.

tigerbaby

best baby room i've ever seen....

i really want this tattoo, its one of my favorite sam flores paintings, plus i think it fits me and my love for tigers so well.

once again, find me on flickr for a bunch more photos.... i forgot what i did the rest of saturday....

SUNDAY:

happy mother's day! i went home to oxnard to join my parents, brother ron, and my two cousins (sean + connie) at our pizza restaurant for some good ol' family grub. both my parents had to work that day still, so me, ron, sean, and connie ended up going to buena lanes in ventura for some bowling. i got the highest score out of all of us, a 142! and i don't bowl, so i think that was my highest score ever in my bowling career. i was pretty happy, not just because of the score, but just to hang out with cousins that i don't get to see too often anymore because we're all so grown now. well, all my cousins are significantly older than me. i think connie is close if not already 30, and sean is 32-34.... it was still a great day.

then we came back to my parent's house and my mom had ordered korean bbq for all of us, so we just grubbed on that and watched the warriors vs. jazz game, and because of george i've become a golden state bandwagon fan and of course i was upset that they lost the game. i didn't realize how dirty some of those golden state guys play, but then again baron davis = ucla, so its not much of a surprise...HAH. fuckin' bruins. anyways, i do like him though because he really does look like kanye and blackthought mixed together.

THE END.

Sometimes...

2007-05-10T01:58:00.000-07:00

...you just have to dive into life, and absolutely-without-a-doubt MUST remember, that if and when you falter (because life will most surely make you falter at one point or another), that you have true friends and family who will do whatever is in their capacity, to bring you back onto your feet.

right now, i feel the urge to dive much stronger than i can ever remember. and i can't help but thinks its because i've been reminded of how great of company i've been keeping lately.

And then and then and then and then....no and then.

2007-05-08T00:56:00.000-07:00

thats got to be one of my favorite photos of street art. this is done by the artist 'ethos', a fitting name for this style of work. and look at the color of the wall behind the boy....yes, my favorite. i love it so much i wish this was on my block. i'd even settle for it being in a remote hidden neighborhood somewhere in the greater los angeles area. i bet if it was, it would be my favorite corner ever.

WEEKEND RECAP
---

SATURDAY:

i had lunch with my old sc "century apts" homie mike, and we grabbed a quick bite at la playita, this cozy taco stand off of rose and lincoln. he was on his way to marina del rey and could only hang out for a while. so after that, since i was relatively in the area, i found a parking spot on a side street and headed to venice beach. now, venice beach in the company of friends is great, because you can always people-watch and make side comments about the crazies that roam the boardwalk. but when you go by yourself, as i ended up doing, i was reminded that however much i complain about la for all of the kinds of hollywood wannabe hipsters i run into on the daily, venice beach is a much more accurate census of the kinds of people that call this place home. the regulars at venice are a unique tribe - they are creatives that come out each weekend to practice and showcase their craft, and for some, to hustle and make their money. you have the boardwalk vendors with all their trinkets and artwork, and you have the drum circle with lots of old beatnik like men, providing the most fitting soundtrack for the day, you've got the skateboard young and old alike staying atop of their game, and you have graff artists from all walks of life throwing up burners and tags and just trying to be known. as i took a step back and soaked it all in, with the sun kissing my shoulders and the steady breeze keeping me cool, at that moment i felt very blessed to be a part of the venice mix:

chit-chatted with that guy up there for a while, he writes 'saver' and reps a few crews like BAMC, which i've heard of before, they even have a few members from japan. he asked me if i write too, and i told him that my man got me interested and was teaching me how. he said i should come out here and just get up on the wall and practice, practice, practice. even get a board and just work on my can control on it. it was a nice, uplifting conversation.

there were some really dope works up that i wanted to take a picture off, that literally had just been finished right when i got there, then some toy-ass cats came up and tagged right over it, damn. i figured maybe if they were doing something better, like if they could burn them, it would have been alright, but i think i could do letters better than they could. plus one of the guys looked like trailer trash with some nasty black sleeveless vest that had some weird neon green all over it. shit was garbage. if george was there he probably would have went so bad on them. oh well.

after that i headed home for a bit and later on in the evening, met up with none other than stevie g, 1/3 of the tri-force of the legendary muthafuckin' greenhouse! it was so good to have dinner and a movie with him, because we hadn't kicked it one-on-one in probably over two years. sad, but at least we finally got to do that. he took me to the sushi joint that is just down the street from his apartment in the LBC. this place is adjacent to a seedy-looking motel but the food was so oishii (english translation = delicious). really good sushi, and believe me you, i've eaten sushi from many a places. after that, we watched spiderman 3 despite warnings from my man, from my roommates, and from our homie lino. we had emails going back and forth between a few of the homies and lino said that we should save our money because it was literally this:

haha, damn, like that!? but we went anyways, with little to no expectation, and i think because of all the warnings, we ended up thinking it wasn't that bad at all. haha, thanks guys!

SUNDAY:

vinyl toy network! pasadena convention center, went there to keep albert and rbeeezy company at the rooted movement booth. wish wobz could have been there, but homegirl was too busy getting pedicures, buying gold necklaces, and soaking up the baja sun on a cruise with her family. a few artists were out there signing things, i managed to get a few to sign my book and they did sketches in them too, very cute. albert and i knew wobz was sad that she couldn't be there, and she really likes dalek's work, so when we saw this, we had to take a picture of it and send it to her:

if you can't read the note, it says 'wish you were here! (dalek says HOLLA)'...haha. that bad boy sold for $1200 apparently, was number one in an edition of i think only twenty, and the buyer paid for it in CASH.... my. bad.

i got a huge blank gwin penguin figure that i'm going to custom and will be shown at the alpha-cult gallery in long beach sometime in october. crazy! its a big deal, so its got to come out fresh. look at its belly.

anyways, lots of free goodies. but that wasn't the best. niecee (1/3 of the tri-force of the legendary muthafuckin' greenhouse) and jon were there too! they thought i would be there, i guess i am somewhat predictable. anyways, after a long time of not being the best friends that we used to be, we were back to our oldselves, and that felt so good. hopefully i see her and sham this saturday as we attempt to have a 'girls only day'.

so that was my weekend. definitely fun. now its back the weekdays. i have a music vid shoot this thursday for hilary duff, and hopefully if i can, first performance with Sheroes the same night. lets hope it all works out, i need the money bad.

Stretch me out, fade me in...

2007-05-07T00:08:00.000-07:00

i finally decided to come out of hiatus and write again. its been a long while coming, but what can i say about it except that it just hadn't been the right time. everybody needs a little time away...(who knew words of wisdom could come from a throwback '90s r&b group called az yet?...wait, scratch that, chicago did it first) anyways. i can't really pinpoint exactly what has drawn me back here, but if i had to come to a conclusion i would say it was mostly the need for an outlet in which i could gather all my thoughts from a day and lay it down somewhere, let it drip out of my head...there's something to be said about the cathartic quality of keeping a journal like the one i'm attempting to start up, all i know is that, in the mind, when too much information and emotion collapse upon and collide into each other, i long for the sweet release of the two.

too bad not everything i'll be leaving on this bad boy will be eloquent, or even articulate, i too, feel the need sometimes to write about dumb shit. because i mean, that needs to be released too, haha.

welcome me back, y'all. i'm ready to give it another go.